The Importance of Earnest Service

The nicest thing about this post is how quickly I whipped together this preliminary list. So many little things bring smiles. The first two columns of this title took place early in the pandemic and covered how friends helped others.

Here’s today’s list in no special order as all are equally meaningful:

• I ordered a slice of velvet cake with meringue icing at Amy’s Bread, didn’t finish it at lunch and enjoyed a few bites of the leftover the next two days. The cake was the best of a memorable taste sensation, one I’ve not enjoyed in 10 dogs ages. Sweet!
• I had a food delivery the other day, something I’d only done once before in three years because I pick up takeout. The doorman, in announcing the delivery on the intercom, asked if it was legit. He said “You don’t often order food deliveries.” You’re thinking: “Big deal.” It is: There are 510 apartments here! I thanked him later telling him I felt his attention to my habits made me feel as though I lived in a building on Fifth Avenue. His smile made me as happy as his oversight.
• I walk on a cloud if a bus driver sees me running and waits.
• When out of town friends let me know they’re coming to town its a treat to see them.
• “How are you?” texts or emails from former Baruch mentees and great nieces are heart-warming.
• When Friday evening comes and I watch “A Place to Call Home,” an Australian soap, on WLIW at 8 PM, it’s fun. Same with Grantchester on PBS on Sunday at 9 PM.
• A text from friends from a hospital recovery room to let me know they are OK or an email that a medical checkup went well causes joy.
• Something that makes me laugh so hard I cry reminds me of times my mother, my husband and I could hardly breath. It still happens with a few friends, when reading a great line in a book, seeing a ridiculous comment on Facebook or when my funny bone reacts to a segment in a movie or TV series.
• I love receiving a stunning greeting card out of the blue. I enjoy the images for weeks. I display them on a chest in my living room. Photo below.
• “Whooo hooo” I holler, even after these many years, when I get an editorial placement for a client.
• When yet another person pays a compliment to me for my Kusama tote bag–last year’s birthday gift from a friend– it’s a hoot. I’ve written previously about this conversation starter. It happened again just last week.
• A friend from school reached out after decades and decades–a nice surprise.
• Summer flowers from the farmer’s market are fabulous. Photo top center.
• A friend found an out-of-print book, unavailable in my public e-book library, with exorbitant price tags on the secondhand market. She gave it to me when we had lunch at Amy’s Bread where I devoured that divine velvet cake. Photo top right.

What little things have made you happy lately?

Does it make me feel better that I’m not alone when deceived by a vendor? No. Am I angry because I predict still more hours lost between glitch and repair of a gadget I was required to buy as part of a phone upgrade and/or because I believed my problem was solved and it wasn’t? I fell for a “we’ll call you in an hour to activate your device.” Gullible. More about this in a moment.

When I complained to a friend she told me that Con Edison was to call her two days ago in from 16 to 36 minutes. They didn’t call then and haven’t yet.

Another friend’s neighbor lugged her wet laundry to her house because the dryer she was assured would arrive the day before–it was in the store–never came.

A third friend had to call Instacart about her missing $35 food delivery. The personal shopper for her second order for the same items rang up $246. She cancelled it. Three tries to get a food order?

Back to me. I needed an upgraded gizmo for one of my phones. It took two visits to Verizon to place the order. Don’t ask. And as I’ve so often noted, the word “upgrade” gives me the shivers. It never augurs well and it didn’t this time either.

When the box arrived I assembled it and it didn’t work. I couldn’t reach Verizon at the number on the gizmo’s screen that said: “We’re having trouble activating your device. Please call ____.” The number didn’t respond. I called another Verizon number and got a recording in which a voice spoke at top speed referring to sim cards and 5 G and 4 G devices. I looked at this white box and figured “I’m doomed.”

So I dragged the phone, the equipment, shipping box and various electrical plugs to the store, was helped by a terrific tech person and spent well over an hour while he spoke with a counterpart on the phone. I noticed that he started to– and then didn’t–use the phone number I was directed to call.

The woman couldn’t activate the device after he repeated a long series of numbers several times. He ended up switching the sim card because the one that came with the device wasn’t responding. She said she’d call in an hour to activate the new sim card. I rushed home full of hope. She never called. The device still needed to be activated.

Yesterday, after trying unsuccessfully to reach someone on the phone–it’s a phone company after all–I walked back again with phone, large plugs and gizmo in tow. That visit took from 11:30 am to 12:45 pm because a very nice employee suggested I wait to see the same specialist who’d worked with me the day before and he wouldn’t be on the floor for half an hour. He went through the drill and the gizmo is yet to be activated. This time the voice on the phone said there was a ticket on my problem and that I’d hear from them in from 24 to 48 hours.

Reading from a script and unconscious about my case, at the end of the conversation the woman tried to review the services I use in order to sell me others. I stopped her short, and reviewed what she was to do on her end and said to the tech support associate standing next to me, “Not a good time,” and he shrugged in agreement.

Small businesses can’t get away with such behavior. What, if anything, can you suggest we do to get the big ones to cut it out and stick to their word? Has a company or organization fallen short with their promise to you?

Rachel Kramer Bussel’s New York Times article caught my eye: “Looking for a Wedding Favor? Try the Best-Seller List–At a time when they have become a popular accessory for celebrities to carry, books are also gaining appeal as a takeaway for wedding guests.”

The part about celebrities carrying books as accessories reminds me of a woman I knew as a child who invited me to see her redecorated home. There were exquisite antique leather-bound books in the living room and when I picked up one she said, “Yes, they go so well with the decor.”

So why my interest in an article about books? I’ve been knocking on media doors to announce this year’s Christopher Award winners–a dozen authors, 10 creators of TV/Cable and feature films and special award winner, the PBS series Masterpiece: All Creatures Great and Small, honored with the Christopher Spirit Award. They all exemplify the Christopher motto, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

Are all the winners Catholic? Nope. But they have a few things in common: They remind audiences/readers from tots to seniors, of all faiths and of no particular faith, of their worth, individuality and power to make a difference and positively impact and shape our world. They also affirm the highest values of the human spirit. Tony Rossi, Christophers’ director of communications said “After the hardships we’ve endured in the last two years, we need stories of hope, light, and unity to lift our spirits and guide us toward a brighter path.”

Just a few of the books:

• On her website Amanda Ripley wrote this about High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out (Simon & Schuster): “When we are baffled by the insanity of the ‘other side’—in our politics, at work, or at home—it’s because we aren’t seeing how the conflict itself has taken over. That’s what ‘high conflict’ does. It’s the invisible hand of our time. It’s what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority and, at the same time, more and more mystified by the other side.”

• If you don’t know about Ernie Barnes, you might want to take a gander at  Don Tate’s second Christopher Award for Pigskins to Paintbrushes: The Story of Football-Playing Artist Ernie Barnes, (Abrams Books for Young Readers), for children aged 8 and up. You’ll enjoy it even if you’re not a kid. As Ernie had two talents so does Tate: He’s both illustrator and author.

• It didn’t happen often–and my school didn’t have a father/daughter dance–but when I danced with my dad, more than standing on his feet as he’d walk around the room, it was so special that I was drawn to Anitra Rowe Schulte and illustrator  Ziyue Chen’s Dancing with Daddy, (Two Lions), for children aged 6 and up.

• Four time Christopher Award winner Father James Martin shares his wisdom in Learning to Pray: A Guide for Everyone (HarperOne/Harper Collins). His books have been translated into 22 languages and sold in 25+ countries. In his practical handbook, the Jesuit priest explains what prayer is, what to expect from praying, how to do it, and how it can transform us when we make it a regular practice. He wrote that there is not one secret formula, but like any relationship, each person can discover the best style for building an intimate relationship with God, regardless of religion or denomination.

• In Every Deep-Drawn Breath: A Critical Care Doctor on Healing, Recovery, and Transforming Medicine in the ICU, (Scribner/Simon & Schuster), Dr. Wes Ely shares his quest to return “humanity to doctoring” by tending to patients’ emotional and spiritual needs, as well as his effort to end a practice in hospital ICUs that leaves patients suffering from long-term brain problems. The title is from East of Eden by John Steinbeck: “The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet.”

• The family of Australian author Eddie Jaku, who died recently at 101, was thrilled that his book was selected by the Christophers to win an Award in the young adults category for The Happiest Man on Earth: The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor, (Harper Collins), because of the importance that his message of love and positivity reach young people. In his memoir Jaku recalled his teenage years in a concentration camp and his subsequent commitment to living with gratitude and kindness to honor all those who died in the Holocaust. Born Abraham Jakubowicz in Leipzig, Germany, in WWII he was imprisoned in Buchenwald and Auschwitz concentration camps, sent on a ‘death march’ in 1945 but escaped and finally was rescued by Allied soldiers.

The other books include Dorothy Wickenden’s The Agitators (Scribner/Simon & Schuster); Daniel James Brown’s Facing the Mountain (Viking/Penguin Random House); Retired New York City Fire Department Chief Joseph Pfeifer’s Ordinary Heroes (Portfolio/Penguin Random House); The Boy Who Loved Everyone by Jane Porter, illustrated by Maisie Paradise Shearring (Preschool and up, Candlewick Press); 10 Hidden Heroes by Mark K. Shriver, illustrated by Laura Watson, (Kindergarten and up, Loyola Press) and The Elephant in the Room by Holly Goldberg Sloan (ages 10 and up, Dial Books for Young Readers/Penguin Random House).

Would you carry a book as a fashion statement or buy one because the cover coordinated with your decor?  What good books have you read lately?

It’s spring and with it comes a fresh crop of SPAM texts and emails–some annuals, others perennials–most of which contain links to potential cyber threats, bank and credit card invasions. We’ve come a long way from the days of “your friend has been robbed during a trip to Europe and has no money so please send some ASAP.”

So to begin: Did you know that my account was closed? What account, you ask? Good question. The email doesn’t say.

Citi wannabes text me frequently telling me that they’d limited my account due to “unusual activity.” That would be troubling except I don’t maintain an account at that bank, the action as described makes little sense and the sender is clearly a hoax [photo above].

I’m regularly asked to review my resume which I’d not sent anyone to edit.

A subject line in a recurring email is in response to my job application. Since I opened my agency 26 years ago I’ve not applied for a job. But so many have so what a nasty trick to get some to open an email.

Friends report getting the same announcement from the Geek Squad thanking for renewing a contract with them and saying they’ve charged my bank account $347. I get this periodically. Even though I count on a miracle-working IT man to sort out my computer woes, the first time I saw it I checked to confirm that my bank account was intact.

A relatively new unsolicited email sends me my payroll review. I’ve never subscribed to such a service so that’s another easy one to skip, [photo below].

Have you noticed an uptick in attempts to trip you up, pry into your private information or seen any new and clever scams?

I am crowd averse as I’ve written previously, most recently about the impact of the pandemic on Manhattan that eliminated swarms of citizens who normally congregate at certain times and places. I was caught in a mass of people all trying to exit a courtyard at once through a narrow opening in a gate when I was 10. I had no control over the direction I wanted to go or whether I could stick near my mother and I didn’t like that feeling.

That’s why I’m amazed that people scramble to fill stadiums that hold over a hundred thousand fans. Madison Square Garden has almost 20,000 seats which seems like a lot. Friends flock there to hear their favorite singers, pay exorbitant prices and consider themselves lucky to snag tickets.

It’s remarkable that the dreadful event, that happened in Houston last Friday at the sold-out Astroworld music festival–50,000 people attended–hasn’t happened more often.

This venue holds 200,000+ reported J. David Goodman and Maria Jimenez Moya in The New York Times. 

They wrote: “The most common cause of injury and death in crowds is compressive asphyxia, when people are pushed against one another so tightly that their airways become constricted, said Steve Adelman, a lawyer and the vice president of the Event Safety Alliance, an advocacy group. This happens most often during a ‘crowd crush,’ when the audience is packed together so tightly that people cannot move, but it can also occur during a stampede.”

They added that “Houston police chief, Troy Finner, said that officials worried that cutting off the concert could make the situation worse. ‘You cannot just close when you got 50,000 and over 50,000 individuals,’ he said. ‘We have to worry about rioting, riots, when you have a group that’s that young.’”

Eight died in the third year of this event, from ages 14 to 17.

According to the Associated Press, as reported in usatoday.com, “‘The crowd began to compress towards the front of the stage, and that caused some panic, and it started causing some injuries,’ the [Houston] fire chief [Samuel Peña] said. ‘People began to fall out, become unconscious, and it created additional panic.'”

“The deadly surge was the most deaths at a U.S. concert since the 2003 Station nightclub fire that killed 100 people in Rhode Island.

“Eleven people died and about two dozen were injured in 1979 at a concert for The Who as thousands of fans tried to get into Cincinnati’s riverfront coliseum.”

I’ve happily attended concerts and performances in Carnegie Hall, New York City Opera and Ballet, the Metropolitan Opera and concerts at the Fisher Center for the Performing Arts at Bard College as well as at sold-out performances in theaters here and abroad. Security checked handbags for bombs and firearms after 9/11 but I didn’t stress about the possibility of an explosion. Issues of Covid-19 aside, am I naive to be unconcerned in these places?

Does attending a crowded venue–even a place of worship with a modest capacity–give you pause? Are some seats– stadiums and concert halls–safer than others? Have you been in a crowd that worried you?

I’ve not had much luck with service in department stores over decades. In search of an evening gown years ago, I was left to fend for myself in a dressing room at a top Fifth Avenue store with appropriately stratospheric price tags, a memorably unpleasant experience. I had no help closing hard-to-reach zippers and had to get dressed to go to the racks to find a gown in the right size. I could have been at Loehman’s [in the day] or T J Maxx today. I can share a stack of similar disappointments and have heard others from friends as recently as this summer.

Subpar service at full price will take the fun out of something I love to do and is only one of many reasons I favor discount shopping. My husband used to tell me I’d continue to buy at discount stores even if I had $millions. I’m also a sucker for a great craft fair.

As a result I’ve become used to picking and choosing gifts and clothing by myself–which obviously I also do when shopping on the Internet. So when I came across someone who added tremendous value to my experience I was grateful–and surprised.

My objective: to buy a gift–monogrammed bath towels. Once I’d chosen the towel among a generous choice at Bloomingdale’s in Manhattan, I spoke with Joyce who is the star in the story and in the towel department.

She was knowledgeable–gently suggesting which size towel usually gets the monogram, explaining the reason without making me feel stupid when I’d picked a different one–and quietly, through conversation, doubling the size of the order which created a far better, more practical gift. She was so good that I happily paid almost twice what I’d intended to spend. She was the least aggressive yet most effective salesperson I’ve met in recent memory.

Joyce wanted to shepherd the monogram process and recommended that the embroidery company send the towels to her for inspection rather than ship them to the recipient. Meanwhile she had put aside the rest of the towels which she planned to join with the monogrammed ones.

She called me to report she’d refused the towels because they’d been damaged and asked the embroidery company for a rush order to redo them. Soon after she called again to tell me the work was good and she sent me a photo! There was another surprise. I’d ordered two monogrammed hand towels and suddenly there were four. She said the extras were in thanks for my patience. She promised that she was not out of pocket.

I’m so happy to share an exemplary example of customer service. Do you have similar ones?

Sharing makes me feel good to both do and observe.

When men’s Olympic high jumpers Gianmarco Tamberi from Italy and Mutaz Essa Barshim from Qatar agreed to share the gold medal they were elated–Tamberi jumped into Barshim’s arms and they hugged. Did you hear me cheering?

If you live alone, the closest thing to sharing at the most basic level is to give surprises.

It’s hard for some to share–the last cookie, piece of cake, slice of pizza–but Americans were generous with their treasure last year.

AP business writer Haleluya Hadero wrote “Galvanized by the racial justice protests and the coronavirus pandemic, charitable giving in the United States reached a record $471 billion in 2020, according to a report released Tuesday that offers a comprehensive look at American philanthropy.” She added that Giving USA reported: “Faced with greater needs, estates and foundations also opened up their pocketbooks at increased levels — resulting in a 5.1% spike in total giving from the $448 billion recorded for 2019, or a 3.8% jump when adjusted for inflation.”

Have you observed some splendid examples of sharing?

There was a turning point for women in the PR business when they didn’t have to appear at every event with a new suit or dress which sure made it easier to pack for days-long business trips as well as on the wallet.

But it’s been different for most women in the public eye, until now, thanks to the First Lady. “Dr. Biden apparently wore only a single new garment during the entirety of her trip to Japan: the Ralph Lauren navy jacket and pants that were part of the official U.S. Olympic Team uniform, and that she wore in her role as official U.S. Olympic Team booster,” Vanessa Friedman wrote in The New York Times. “Other than that, her clothes were all recycled outfits from her closet. And not just at fun family getaways: At public events. Often very big, photo op-filled, recorded-for-history public events,” she wrote in “Jill Biden, Changing the Fashion Game.”

Friedman, the paper’s fashion director and chief fashion critic, acknowledged that a recycled wardrobe is crucial for “image-making, celebrities and their powerful political or entrepreneurial equivalents.”

She observed: “She is not rejecting fashion — each look she wore is part of the current New York Fashion Week story, each one from American brands both establishment and up and coming. She’s doing her part to promote local business on the global stage.” Friedman mentioned that Dr. Biden “reflects the climate-focused aspect of the Biden agenda,” while supporting the worth of the clothes, that they merit keeping.

Meanwhile in “The Sexualization Of Women In Sports Extends Even To What They Wear,” Sharon Pruitt-Young reported on npr.org: “The Norwegian women’s beach handball team is in a battle with the sport’s governing bodies to wear less-revealing uniforms. After the team’s repeated complaints about the required bikini bottoms were reportedly ignored, they wore shorts during a recent game in protest and were fined 150 euros (around $175) per player.”

According to Jenny Gross in The New York Times “Men, on the other hand, can wear shorts as long as four inches above their knees as long as they are ‘not too baggy.'”

Do you think a First Lady or celebrity should have new clothes every time she will be photographed? Should female athletes be forced to wear revealing uniforms to compete in the Olympics or in any sports event?

I admire Facebook postings of images of elaborate dishes and desserts for one or two lovingly assembled and photographed by friends but I am not tempted to imitate any of them. I look for something quick and easy. [While I’m sure all are delicious, some don’t translate well on camera and look alarmingly unappetizing, reminding me of the old saw “only a face a mother could love.”]

As the weather cools off I might make a boeuf bourguignon or a quiche Lorraine with the idea of freezing leftovers for future meals but I’m not in a rush. I use every pot in the apartment for the former, [I cook each vegetable separately], and make the crust for the quiche. Counter space for rolling out the dough is in short supply in my kitchen and I’m off-put by also having to dig out my food processor.

If it’s suddenly 7:30 pm I am grateful if I have an Amy’s Pizza in the freezer. I break it in two, put the other half back in the freezer, toss a simple salad while it heats in a toaster-oven and voila!

Speaking of salad, it takes minutes to make a spectacular and filling chef one.  I buy real baked ham from a local vendor–it’s sliced off a majestic bone by hand and doesn’t resemble the slimy packaged or compressed variety. To slices of ham I add what’s in the house such as Swiss cheese, tomato, mozzarella, all sliced, and top it off with a simple oil and vinegar dressing. Cold chicken works too. A few frozen peas or corn kernels heated in a bit of water until just hot is a toothsome and pretty addition.

A beautiful, wonderful country bread for one that costs $5-$8–much that I love it–doesn’t make sense. Trader Joe’s sells ciabatta rolls that I immediately put in small baggies and freeze. I warm a roll in the toaster oven at 350° for seven minutes. The crust is crisp and wonderful and the warm inside welcomes a little olive oil and slices of cheese and tomato.

I also like fettuccine Alfredo or vegetable fried rice from Trader Joe’s, a hot meal in minutes. I add pepper and a few peas to the former and if I have cold chicken, a few small pieces to the latter.

This is apple season. I like Honey Crisp best but try a new variety each week at the farmer’s market. I just bought firecracker apples. I slice the fruit thin–like potato chips.

Do you have quick meal ideas or do you or your mate make elaborate dinners for you and your family? When thinking of food can you erase from your mind all the hungry in this country and the world?

 

A Washington Post reporter was immediately suspended–and later reinstated from the punishment of administrative leave–for tweeting, after his death, about Kobe Bryant’s sexual assault charge 17 years ago. Bryant had said he thought the encounter was consensual but according to New York Times** reporters Rachel Abrams and Marc Tracy, “he had come to understand that she did not see it in the same way.” She was a 19 year old Colorado hotel front desk clerk. The case was eventually dropped after an undisclosed settlement.

The reporter, Felicia Sonmez, received death threats and online abuse as tributes by politicians and celebrities praised Bryant. She linked to 2016 Daily Beast coverage of the case in her tweet.

Three hundred + fellow Post reporters protested Sonmez’s suspension. Abrams and Tracy wrote that “The Post’s social media guidelines ask journalists to be informative and factual in their online posts.”

Martin Baron, the paper’s executive editor, sent her an email last Sunday. He wrote that she showed “a real lack of judgment to tweet this. Please stop. You’re hurting this institution by doing this.”

Two days later the paper stated that Sonmez “was not in clear and direct violation of our social media policy.” The New York Times reporters wrote “The Post’s statement also referred to her tweets as ‘ill-timed’ and continued: ‘We consistently urge restraint which is particularly important when there are tragic deaths.'”

Sonmez wasn’t the only one who remembered the sexual assault charge. Len Berman, morning host on WOR 710 Radio’s morning show–and a former TV sports reporter–mentioned it observing that Bryant’s record wasn’t unblemished as implied by most media.

**Something curious: I looked on line for the article I read in the print New York Times story “At Post, Another Round of Dissent Over Bryant” [photo below]. The facts and quotes in this post come from it. It wasn’t on the paper’s website nor could I find it via Google. Other articles on the subject by reporters Abrams and Tracy are online but not that one.

Are there different rules for public figures when it comes to mentioning a hiccup in a person’s life after they die? For example you wouldn’t mention your Cousin Nigel’s misbehavior at his funeral or in his obituary, would you? Are rules of behavior different if a celebrity dies in a horrendous accident? Should a reporter be reprimanded for tweeting the truth about a beloved public figure? What if such a person is disliked–would a tweet like Felicia Sonmez’s have gone unnoticed?